Things I thought about on sleepless night (Jetlag diary)

Last week, I was out of Japan again.This trip was the most sad and lonely trip I've ever experienced. The purpose is very sad and hopefully I would never have to do again.

I was in a small town in France, to attend this funeral-ish memorial event to be precise.
He is (was) one of my best friends younger brother, and we actually dated briefly about 20-something years ago when we were in uni. He was a person with 6'2, very beautiful blue eyes, not in finance (!) but doing okay in his business.

He's super kind, more generous, and funnier than anyone else, and he loves dogs.
We were both in our 20s, so I don't remember if we have had many deep conversations between us, but my memories of him were that he was very positive. Very good memories, except one thing. He used to drink a lot, I mean A LOT.　He was drunk frequently and I thought it is an universally typical uni student back then....lol

Since I came back to Japan, we have lost in touch on daily basis but his sister, has shared the way he drinks until recent years. Last time when I met him, he was trying to quit drinking and he was at early 40s.

I don't remember when exactly, but he said something to his sister (and me). As proof of his life, he would like his ashes to be scattered in France if possible, in a town with his favorite winery. That was the only time I thought it was so poetic, romantic.
It is a very difficult action plan to actually implement!

There are some parts that are officially impossible to accomplish, so his sister's has checked with there local office, and sow the seeds as closer location as possible. That's why we were in France. At least I was there just to support this whole action.

It's so sad to have to say goodbye like this. Nothing romantic but just awfully sad. Said, at the same time, in his case, unlike Liam Paine (who has passed away last week in Argentina, another super sad incident), even though he had also addiction issues, his idea/thought ahead has made some achievements and his goals. I wondered if he was happy up there.

Although his life was too short at 48 years old, he must have drank as much alcohol as he wanted, and I thought that in a sense he had achieved his purpose.

A long time ago in a film, called 10 things I want to do before I die
I realised that I don't have a list of my own yet. Do you all make lists like that?

It's been sad challenging weeks and I'm still not entirely over it, but stayed within inner dark space a bit. Furthermore, there is also the matter of Liam, which has been double sad. However, I think I want to recover little by little and live a full and strong life.
I hope I can smile more often this week.