Yes, indeed, your girl had a bona fide date yesterday, and we met for a late lunch.
Considering it was me, Secret_Lade, who was the walking, talking, Red Flag..... It was painful.
Right from jump street.
Can I just say, I HATE that everything is all on the woman.
We get the....
Where do you want to go? What do you want to eat? What time do you want to meet?
It's even worse when nobody lives in your town....
Do you want to meet half way? In Bellaire? Do you want to come to TC?
I'm not good with these decisions. I think most of it stems from having to be in control, having to make in-the-moment critical decisions all day, every day at work... I just don't want to do it on my own time.
I want things to feel casual, like the weight of the world isn't resting on my choice of meal, and I just want some pleasant fucking conversation.
Therein lies my Red Flag #1 - I was indecisive.
I show up precisely on time, which is my normal habit, and wasn't certain if my date would be waiting for me in the parking lot, or at the door, or in the establishment...
So I texted and asked if he was still in the parking lot.
And waited....
Red Flag #2 - He hadn't brought his phone with him and was waiting at the door. (I did not see him at the door.) When he saw that I wasn't getting out of my car, he walked back over to his truck and gave me a call, telling me he had been waiting at the door.
Red Flag #3 - I didn't 'fist bump' him upon meeting.
"You aren't going to bump it?"
"What?"
Waving his raised fist, he held it out to me.
"Oh, sorry"
In my entire life, I've never met someone and fist bumped.
Not even during COVID.
I've waved, I've smiled, I've hugged.... But never a fist bump.
We headed into the establishment and I immediately felt under dressed. I had specifically asked for it to be casual because I had just wanted to wear shorts and a t-shirt. I dress up every day for work, on my own time, I just want to be able to be casual.
I had chosen not to wear a t-shirt, thank God, but the shorts were pretty casual.
It all pretty much goes downhill from here....
Expectations are a bitch.
I try as much as possible to not go in to things with any sort of expectation, but, it's hard when the other person has visibly not had his expectations met.
I did not meet the expectations my date had had in his mind, and he was not hiding this fact, at all.
Fun times!!
Red Flag #4 - I didn't 'cheers' when the beer arrived.
So, the beers arrived and he was talking about something... I'm not quite sure what, but I chose to just, take a sip. It was frothy, and cold, and looked good!
"You aren't going to cheers???"
He was holding up his mug and look appalled.
"Oh, um... I'm sorry."
Feeling on the spot, I held up my beer and he clinked it just a hair, disappointed.
When the bacon wrapped shrimp appetizer arrived, I had grabbed a skewer and place it on my plate.
They looked yummy....
Without even a second thought, I used my fingers to slide a shrimp off the skewer, dipped it in the sauce, and took a bite out of it.
It was good.
Glancing over, I saw my date actually using his fork and knife to remove the shrimp from the skewer, and cut it in half.
"Oh, you eat your shrimp with a fork. Yah, I'm over here eating with my hands like a caveman..."
I laughed out of nervousness, but was feeling very uncuth.
Shrimp still in had, I reached out to dip a portion of the shrimp I hadn't bitten into, into the sauce....
Insert Red Flag #5 - "Don't double dip. No, I mean it, don't double dip."
Not going to lie, I ignored what he was saying and I dipped the side of my shrimp into that sauce.
And then I made a bunch of jokes about it.
Because, I knew by this moment in time, this would be all she wrote, folks.
I now understood why this man had been on so many first dates, but nothing ever seemed to go anywhere...
He has a million and one invisible expectations that the normal person just doesn't anticipate.
When the date was done, I found myself driving home feeling completely terrible about myself, wondering if this is what it's going to be like, every single time I take that plunge and try to meet someone new.
Was this guy worth me feeling this terrible?
Absolutely not.
Perhaps I wasn't the most classy and worldly, but he was judgmental, opinionated, and commented about my split ends and cat hair. No joke, part way through the date he started to imitate me messing with my hair...
Something I do when I'm nervous.
I have a feeling, there will be many more first dates in this man's future.
I can only hope I don't have the same fate...
Happy Monday!
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16 comments
Sounds like he was too high and mighty. Down to earth would be more interesting. I do not think you lost anything here.
It was definitely not a match.
Sounds like a boring dude. Happy to see that you survived the double dipping debacle 😂
I totally made a big deal out of it. I even dramatically dipped the side of my shrimp in the sauce and commentated about how close I was to where my teeth had bitten into the shrimp previously. LOL
"Don't double dip. No, I mean it, don't double dip."
always wishing you well 
thank you
Fist bump? Was his name Chad?
Ha! No, but it should have been! LOL
It sounds as if he's not worth any effort over.
I think you’re correct. But, it saddens me to know that this is what my dating pool looks like.
Definitely a bullet dodged on this one. He definitely sounds like an idiot. Who eats shrimp like that, with a fork, really how pretentious.
I 100% believe you are right, I did dodge a bullet. I think I'm becoming an expert at that, now... Yikes!
Fist bumping and cheers the beers? Yeah, I would've failed those, too.
I have never done this stuff. In a million years, I wouldn't have considered it was even a thing. Maybe it's a guy thing?
Ah, I see we should start calling you Trinity from the Matrix. Another bullet dodged, well done.
As you pointed out this guy has way too many expectations on a first encounter, let alone date. Nor does it seem he has the ability to discuss his opinions or capable of explaining why he has these idiosyncrasies. Something like "Since the pandemic, I prefer a fist bump vice a handshake to greet someone" or "Oh, my family insisted we use utensils to eat every meal, even bbq ribs", but no he just put you up to his stupid mental yardstick and saw where you measured up.
One for the blogs as some would say.
I know it's Monday but,.try to enjoy your day.
It gets better. I received a series of texts that escalated to the point where he was mad at me, today. It started with "one question, do you want to see me". Meanwhile, I was at work, so, not monitoring my phone and attending meetings and working with people in other offices. The last text from him was "I'm gonna fucking need all the luck I can get thank you". It escalated quickly.
@secret_lade Wait, what? You didn't block him when you got home? Delete, unmatch, whatever from whatever site you met him from when you got home? Lade...
Tell me you have blocked him now, right? After he has shown his true infantile nature?
@iwant2lickuthere I absolutely did block him after all that. I hadn't expected any of that, I had assumed, after the date failure, that we'd just be ghosting each other and moving our separate ways. I assumed wrong!!
@secret_lade Never assume luv. If you are not interested, it is best to just block and be done.
Ooh that sounds painful. The way I see it you were being you. And you should be that way with a date IMO. Obviously your date was being himself, a jerk. All you can do is keep trying, the right one will come along. He even sounds controlling.
It was painful. Honestly, I've had a lot of experiences in the past.... But this one kind of takes the cake. I've never been so bewildered, and felt so awkward, and just so unaware of what to expect next.
@secret_lade At least it’s over and done with. You avoided a big mistake by seeing what this guy was like.
@betwnurthighs2 yes, you are correct. It is over and done with.
@secret_lade Hope your next date goes better for you.