What do you get when you mix a drunk loser, a scorned wife, and a snowy night?

You get the makings for a real hot mess!

Yah.... Not my proudest of tales, but, here I am.

Telling it.

When the Spawn left for college, it left an emptiness in my home that I'd never quite experienced before....

A quiet loneliness filled my nights and weekends.

And, I started to yearn for the company of someone, anyone.

It had been a snowy day and I had hunkered down for the night when I got the text.

"Hey. Whatcha up to?"

It was the younger, married guy I had turned down previously.

"Watching a movie, drinking some wine."

We had met once, in person, several months earlier. I had thought he was attractive, but I just couldn't get past the married part. We had talked in my yard for a bit, it had been a super hot day, and I had just gotten done mowing my lawn. I was a sweaty mess, but I had kind of enjoyed the conversation, even though I knew that was all it would ever amount to.

"Want some company?"

"No thanks. The last thing I need is a scorned wife at my door."

"Come on, I told you that won't be an issue."

And here, my friends, is the pivotal moment when I lost my mind and threw all caution to the wind.

"Um, ok. I suppose I could use some company."

"Can you come get me? My daughter has my car."

Now, I knew he had several teenage daughters, so, it didn't really occur to me that this was Red Flag #1. I could honestly believe one of his daughters did, in fact, have his car. I was, however, a little hesitant at the mere fact that he wanted me to pick him up at his house.

"Come get you?"

"Yah, I'm at the house, right around the corner from you."

I had known from our in person meet that he lived right down the road from me. This would prove to be unfortunate, for him, however...

"Um, ok, I suppose so."

If I'd been on my game, I would have known, when I saw him standing at the end of his driveway, looking in his mailbox, waiting for me to pick him up, that this would be Red Flag #2.

It didn't take long for me to realize, once he got in my car and I started driving away, that this guy was drunk.

"You've been drinking, haven't you."

"No.... No. I haven't been drinking. Why do you ask?"

I'd pulled into my driveway, and we were headed into my house.

"Because you're drunk."

"I may have had a drink. Or two. But, I'm not drunk."

No sooner had the words left his mouth, he stumbled across my kitchen and caught his balance on my counter.

We stood in my kitchen and small talked about his inebriation for a moment and I secretly wondered how in the hell I was going to get out of this situation.

It was at this point that Red Flag #3 reared its ugly head.

"Your phone is blowing up.... You think you should get that?"

His phone was now lit up with an onslaught of text messages, phone calls, and voice messages.

"Nah, it's my brother. Come on, Johnny."

Staring at his phone, he attempted to focus his eyes and pretend it was his brother trying to reach out to him.

"I think maybe you should get that?"

I glanced out the kitchen window just in time to see Red Flag #4 drive past my house, back up, pull into my drive way, angrily get out of her car, and march toward my house.

"That your wife out there??"

Drunk Guy was already headed out the door and walking toward the fuming woman standing at my porch steps.

I watched as they backed out onto the road, start to drive away, change their mind, and back up, pulling back into my driveway.

"Oh shit. Now what do I do."

Thankfully, nobody actually got out of the car. It sat there for what felt like forever, then drove away.

Now, I know you're thinking, this has got to be the end of this fucked up story....

But, you'd be wrong.

Cause, believe it or not, Drunk Guy attempted, 3 days later, to pull this same exact stunt once again.

"I'll leave my phone at home this time."

Needless to say, that was the last thing on earth I planned to do again.... I also ended all communication as well.

I would have loved to forget that debacle ever took place.

This is what happens when you break all of your own rules.... It's a constant reminder when you have to drive past that house, every single day, to get to work.

The good news is, that home is now vacated and a great big 'For Sale' sign is now posted at the end of the driveway. At least I won't find myself staring at them as I drive past, or them at me.

Thank God for small miracles and silver linings!

And this, my friends, is the very reason why I made the rule to stay away from those married men to begin with! They aren't good for me!

Happy Friday!